Cat's Guide to Human Domination
Welcome to "The Cat's Guide to Human Domination" - not just a guide to owning a cat, but an in-depth look at what it takes to be a faithful servant to your cat. Here you will learn how to properly serve the true master of your home!
Rule 1: Submitting to your cat's dietary needs
- Provide at all times: When I'm hungry, you have to feed me. My food bowl should be filled with fresh, tasty food at all times.
- High Quality Choices: Remember, I only accept the best. Mediocre food will not satisfy my noble tastes.
It's like expecting a meal from a five-star restaurant but only getting fast-food quality. Disappointing, isn't it?
Rule 2: Understand and respect my authority
- Body Language: When I roll over, this is usually because I am comfortable and not necessarily an invitation to touch. Please observe my reaction and don't forcefully touch me if I don't seem to welcome it. An example of this would be if a human greeted you and you put your hand down the other person's pants.
- Space Respect: I need my personal space. You can look, but not necessarily touch.
Rule 3: Unconditional companionship and entertainment
- Always be available:Whenever I need company or entertainment, you should be ready. My favorite games must be played immediately.
- Timely Retreat: When I've had enough fun, it's time for you to leave. I need my alone time.
Imagine it's like being a personal DJ at a party; you're expected to play the hits on demand, but once the crowd is done, it's time to pack up and give them space.
Rule 4: Communicate with the Great I Am
- READ MY VOICE: My every cry has a deeper meaning. A wise servant should be able to understand my needs.
- APPRECIATE MY PRESENCE: It is your honor to appreciate my beauty and grace as I gracefully walk around the room.
Think of it like being in the presence of royalty; every gesture is meaningful, and merely observing their refined elegance is a treat in itself.
Rule 5: Maintain my dignity and comfort
- CLEANNESS AND MAINTENANCE: My litter box and living area should be kept clean and tidy at all times. My dignity should not be neglected.
- Regular Rituals of Submission: Take me to the vet for regular checkups to ensure my health, but please make sure it is a dignified trip.
It's akin to having a celebrity in your home; their personal space is their sanctuary, and every public appearance is an event that demands respect and grace.
Rule 6: Always be elegantly groomed!
- Grooming: Make sure I look as elegant as possible by grooming me at least once a day.
- Professional Styling: Schedule regular professional grooming sessions, I need to look my best to rule the house.
Consider it similar to managing the appearance of a high-profile fashion icon; daily upkeep is essential, and only the skilled hands of a professional can truly do justice to their esteemed status.
Rule 7: Select toys and entertainment
- High-end toys: My toys must be the best on the market, whether they are interactive or traditional scratching boards, they must meet my high standards.
- Variety of Entertainment: Don't just give me the same old toys, I need something new and fresh to stimulate my cat's intelligence.
CIt's akin to being the personal curator for an art connoisseur; only the finest pieces make the cut, and the gallery must constantly evolve to captivate the discerning eye.
Rule 8: My own territory
- Safe Lair: I need a quiet and cozy place to rest and relax, this is my private and inviolable territory.
- OBSERVATION AREA: I need to be able to overlook the entire home from an elevated area so I can keep a better eye on my domain and the servants.
Think of it as creating a royal chamber and a watchtower for a noble ruler; each space serves a distinct purpose in maintaining their regal lifestyle and oversight.
Rule 9: Thoughtfulness
- Sense my moods: As my servant, you need to be sensitive to changes in my moods and respond accordingly.
- Comfort me: When I am upset or in need of care, you should comfort and care for me immediately.
Consider it similar to being an attentive guardian to a dignified yet sensitive soul; your perception and response to their emotional needs are paramount.
Rule 10: Respect my privacy
- Private Time: Give me space and time when I choose to be alone. As a noble ruler, I sometimes need moments of solitude.
- Do Not Disturb: Do not disturb me when I am sleeping or resting. Even if I look very cute, please keep your distance.
Imagine it like being a discreet attendant to an esteemed figure; their personal moments of rest and reflection are to be honored with utmost respect and privacy.